Relationships. Betrayal. Repair.

4 Small Behavioral Changes That Will Increase Intimacy In Your Relationship

Couple outside looking at one another and smiling.

To keep the embers of love burning, most people think they have to do more elaborate things like plan a regular date night or book a vacation. While those things are lovely, they are not what’s most important for creating and maintaining a close, connected, dependable union. 

In truth, the main task of a romantic partner is to let the other know that they are both loved and desired. You and your beloved are each other’s most significant other, and your interactions should reflect just how important you are to one another. 

Although there are many ways to let your beloved know that they are your favorite person in the whole world, that you love them to bits, and that you desire them (in a sexy way!), this blog post will include a few. 

Here are five things that you can begin today:


How do you and your partner greet each other in your daily comings and goings? What do you and your sweetie acknowledge one another upon waking or when one departs? 

When you first greet each other in the morning and reconvene at the end of the day, take a moment or two to connect; for example, kiss and make eye contact upon waking—touch one another. Say something sweet. Do a little check-in with one another. 

Are you heading out the door? First, squeeze your sweetie’s hand and tell them you will think of them. Then, when you reconnect at the end of a long and stressful day, make sure you briefly – but intimately – connect again with a kiss, hug, soft greeting, and eye contact.  


Whenever your spouse or partner tries to connect with you – with their eyes, words, hands, or voice – turn back toward them and embrace their efforts to secure! Your ‘response’ to their bid to connect is critical. Your spouse or partner will pay attention to see if you turn toward them for connection or turn away from them, which can feel like rejection. 

Of course, it is understood that one can’t always respond to your partner – sometimes, you just can’t. Circumstances don’t always permit it. On those occasions, decline gently with loving reassurance. Being sensitive in denial often feels like rejection, even though that may not be your intention. 


How many times do you and your partner text throughout the day? Texting is yet another opportunity to insert sentiment, tenderness, romance, and sexiness into your exchanges. Add emotion to the mix with emoticons, gifs, and tender, loving words. Let them know you are thinking of them in a way that makes them feel that they are always on your mind and in a very sexy, endearing, and intimate way. 


Emotional and physical distance are indicators of a weak emotional connection. For example, couples at odds or disconnected sit on separate sofas, go in different rooms, lack eye contact, and are generally ‘separate’ and independent. 

Given this, it stands to reason that closeness and connection get closer and more intimate to increase intimacy. You can get in each other’s ‘space’ because you are romantic partners. 

So sit on the same sofa. Cuddle. Put your arms around one another—play footsies under the table. Snuggle up in bed. Being physically intimate helps create emotional closeness and sexual intimacy, too!


Very simply, it’s essential to always keep in the forefront that you and your spouse or partner are a romantic entity and not just best friends or parents or household co-managers. The romantic relationship is unique and special – and participation in it should be treated as such. 

You and your beloved are part of a unique, intimate bond that keeps you close, connected, and secure. Nurturing this special bond helps to increase relationship satisfaction and ensure fidelity. When partners feel loved and desired, another can’t entice you – your intimacy needs are already being satisfied by the most important person in the world to you!

Terri DiMatteo, NJ Licensed Professional Counselor
Terri DiMatteo, NJ Licensed Professional Counselor

Helping individuals and couples restore and deepen connection since 2012.