emotional bonding

This Valentine’s Day Reach for the Pen

Flowers wilt and chocolates melt, but the Love Letter lasts forever

Storefront windows are adorned with shiny pink ribbons, and dangling red hearts as the airwaves sing commercial jingles for flowers and chocolates letting us know that Valentine’s Day is near.

This year rather than flip through rows of mass-produced cards in an attempt to try to find the perfect pre-written sentiment that accurately reflects your own, why not pen your personal,  intimate, endearing, love letter to personally tell your sweetheart precisely what they mean to you?

The secure romantic relationship is built on emotional bonding. Daily and in small ways intimate partners need to continuously turn toward each other and communicate directly and through gestures that indicate, “You matter to me,  and I will be here for you  — no matter what — because you are the most special person in the world to me.”

Dr. Susan Johnson author of  the book,  Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, writes:

We are emotionally invested in these [love] relationships and they penetrate key aspects of our lives. These bonds have incredible survival value. We are healthier, happier, psychologically stronger, and we live longer when we are close and connected. This deep desire to matter to another, to be able to turn to another as a safe haven, gets lost in our culture of mine, me and myself. 

As it is an intimate expression of soft sentimentality, writing a love letter to the one who is most dear to your heart strengthens your love-bond and relationship.

For the love letter to convey that the recipient feels loved and cherished the writer must focus his or her attention on the loved one and consider what it is that endears them to their beloved. As you concentrate your sweetie, good feelings and memories will flood your psyche as tender emotions rise to the surface. This will help you to find just the right words that will capture precisely what it was that drew you toward your beloved in the first place and how your own life has changed as a result of their presence in your life.

The love letter recipient will be emotionally touched that their special someone has put in the time and effort to prepare and deliver something as endearing as intimate as a love letter. The letter is sure to hold a unique place in your loved one’s heart and is sure to be kept for many years to come.

The process of preparing, planning, crafting and mailing the letter – as well as the eager anticipating of witnessing their response upon receiving it – is a romantic gesture that is sure to get noticed!

How to Write a Love Letter

The good old-fashioned romantic love letter is intended to reach the soul of the recipient. You are opening your heart to the power of the pen and attempting to reach the heart of your sweetheart through your words, sentiment, and presentation.

Set the Mood

You will need to find a private and personal space to write without distractions to set the mood to put yourself in the right mindset. Lighting a candle and playing soft music will help. Perhaps you have a song or two that you associate with your loved-one that will stir fond memories and soft feelings. Let the setting stimulate the literary lover in you!

Presentation

Take special care that your love letter looks and feels as beautiful as the words and sentiment that adorn it. Select a high-quality paper in a neutral, soft color. Write only with either black or brown ink and nothing brash or harsh. The love letter must be handwritten and not be typed, sent via email, or texted.

Your efforts will demonstrate to your loved one that the care you are placing in the letter and its presentation reflect the love, respect, appreciation and the high regard you feel for them.

The Greeting

Select an intimate, personal and endearing salutation. Don’t be formal. Embellish the theme of your loved one’s first name. Here are a few suggestions for the love-letter salutation:

 

My dearest _____________________

To my beloved __________________

Darling ________________________

 

Contents

In the body of the letter include the reasons you fell in love in the first place. Recall how you first met or when you knew you had fallen in love with them. You might list qualities about your sweetheart that inspire you or mention a meaningful memory that the two of you share. Think of a moment that you felt especially moved by your sweetheart and write about it in great detail that includes your own feelings and perceptions from your point of view.

The love letter is to express direct and sincere feelings and sentiments. It’s about romantic inspiration The content should not include silly or casual jokes nor should it be sexually suggestive.

The love letter is about the heart, not the loins.

If you want to add something about your lover’s physicality, make it something sentimental such as about their ‘beautiful eyes’ or your desire to embrace them or hold them close.

What matters in a love letter is that you mean what you say and that genuine sentiment is expressed. It’s a deliberate and intentional gesture designed to stimulate tender feelings of love and to strengthen the intimate emotional bond between you and your loved one.

The Closing

Conclude your love letter with something upbeat and romantic. Close with a genuine signature such as ‘With all my heart…’ or ‘Forever yours…’  Avoid formalities or the simple, ‘Love’ — instead, make it personal and memorable.

Extras: The Personal Touch

To add a little extra touch to your love letter you might like to spray it lightly with your favorite perfume or cologne. Adding dried rose petals or small sparkly hearts from a craft shop adds a nice touch. For women writers, you might like to put some red lipstick on and then kiss the paper for a  ‘sealed with a kiss’ imprint. For men, you might consider tracing your hand on the back of the letter suggesting to your beloved that she might ‘take your hand’ and place her own hand within the tracing. A decorative postage stamp placed upside-down on the envelope is a European custom that signifies “I love you.”

When it comes to a love letter, it’s the little details that count!

Have fun writing your love letter! And, even if you live in the same house with your loved one — consider mailing it! Imagine how exciting it will be for you to anticipate your loved one’s response as he or she collects the mail and discovers that a carefully crafted love letter from you has arrived!