Reassure Frequently for a More Secure Relationship

Couples that offer reassurances to one another regularly develop a more robust, more secure, and dependable relationship. 

Many couples interact with one another in ways that resemble roommates or household co-managers. They often speak with each other in a way that directs, instructs, or guides. Yet, even when there is no malintent or ill-will, the tone and tenor of the exchanges lack warmth, caring, and sensitivity. 

WHY THIS WAY OF COMMUNICATING IS DETRIMENTAL TO THE RELATIONSHIP

This way of relating is devoid of sentiment, warmth, caring, sensitivity, and awareness of your spouse or partner’s feelings. By contrast, couples that tune into each other’s inner worlds and emotional states feel connected, loved, supported, and respected. Couples often lose sight of the fact that they are romantic partners. What separates those ‘living like roommates or behaving like household ‘co-managers is when partners effectively reassure the other of two specific things: 

1. That they are loved, cared for, and that they are significant! 2. That they are desirous 

The task of each partner within the relationship is to assure the other – with greater frequency than most realize – that they are loved and desired. 

One way to do this is by adding reassurance in your daily interactions. 

EXAMPLES OF RELATIONSHIP REASSURANCE

Let’s suppose one person in a romantic relationship needs time to themselves. If they blurt out the simple fact that they ‘need space’ without additional clarification, it would be understandable if their partner felt rejected or hurt and wondered: Did I do something wrong? Are they mad at me?

Even though the communication was technically accurate, it lacked understanding or consideration for the partner feeling hurt and rejected. 

If the spouse or partner expressed the same need but added reassurance, it might sound something like this: “I’m going through something at work, and I need a little time to myself right now. I’m going to take a walk for about a half-hour, and when I come back, I look forward to having one of your fabulous hugs. Maybe you and I can cuddle up on the sofa when I return.”

This example of reassurance showed sensitivity to the partner’s feelings and included a few things that effectively helped to reassure. The statement had why the person needed space, their need for alone time, a specific time frame, and a desire to reconnect upon their return. 

                 Expressed like this, the partner doesn’t have to fret that 

               something is upsetting the partner about them or 

                the relationship, it provides comfort in knowing what is 

               explicitly disturbing the partner, what they will be doing, 

               how long they will be gone and that they want to 

               reconnect upon their return. 

Adding those few clarifiers and making the statement more intimate and personal eased their partner’s worries and brought comfort. 

The example provided was reassurance provided through verbal communication; however, solace can be provided by the spouse or partner in non-verbal ways as well. The idea is to continuously offer soothing comfort that conveys to your partner that they are loved, respected, and cared for can be reassuring. 

WAYS TO REASSURE 

+Eye contact

+Touch

*Proximity

+Quick responses 

WHY REASSURANCE WORKS

It conveys to your partner that they are the most crucial person in the world to you. It means to your partner that they are in your thoughts and that you are aware and sensitive to their feelings.

THE BENEFITS OF REASSURANCE 

Feeling closer and more connectedReaffirms your love for them. Builds a secure connection It makes your relationship more dependable.

If you are in a relationship that seems to be lacking the kind of loving reassurance that comforts and soothes, consider adding in some reassuring words and actions that make your spouse or partner feel appreciated and important to you. Doing so is not only beneficial to your partner or spouse but serves to stabilize the relationship and make it more secure and reliable.

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Terri DiMatteo, LPC Written by:

Trusted relationship and couple counselor Terri DiMatteo helps couples deepen and repair their romantic bonds.

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